Q: I have been dating this boy for a year and i do love him but recently my friends have brought to my attention that i should experience sex with other guys since he has been with like 7 other girls and i have only been with one other guy. so lately thinking about him and all the girls hes been with has made me really upset and wondering if should be experiencing sex with other guys its driving me nuts. i know my boyfriend truly loves me and hes told me numerous times that if he had his way i would have been and his one and only what should i do?
A: It sounds to me like there are three things that you’re dealing with here: 1) your friend’s opinions, 2) your desire to have other experiences, and 3) jealousy that your boyfriend has had more experience that you have.  I know that problem number 3 can be a tough one to get over…in relationships we often have a desire to keep things very fair and even, and if your boyfriend has had more partners than you, that doesn’t seem fair.  But life’s not fair, the majority of people have a past, and it’s just something you have to get over.
In my opinion, the real issue is problem number 2: your desire for more experience. If you constantly find yourself attracted to other guys, wonder what it would be like to be with them sexually, and constantly feel tempted to be with someone else, then maybe that temptation is something you need to entertain.  On the other hand, if you feel like you need more experience just for the sake of having more experience, then I would say stay put.  If you are really happy with your boyfriend and truly love him, you can break up with him to experience other guys, but none of those experiences are going to be any fun if you’re hung up on the guy you just dumped.  There’s no reason to seek out experiences that aren’t going to be enjoyable, which (should you decide to stay with your boyfriend) is a good response to problem number 1.

        As hot as sex can look in movies…in real life it can be pretty awkward, and not all that sexy.  The unplanned bumping of body parts, the liquids, the noises… “I didn’t just fart on you.  That was a queef.”

Sex acts can often lead to embarrassing situations.  What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in a hook up?  How did you deal with it?  Did you laugh it off, or run away?  Ever wonder if maybe someone ignores you after a hook-up because they are embarrassed?

Last night I got a facebook message from my dad.  My 55 year-old, “I rent backhoes and dig holes in the backyard for fun” dad.  I freaked out.  What was my dad doing on facebook? Was he going to start adding all my friends to his friend list? It felt oddly embarrassing—as if he had busted into a party with a wine cooler.  What was he doing there?

I can’t remember the last time I felt embarrassed by something one of my parents did.  I thought that was something you got over after moving out of the house.  But then it dawned on me: as a kid, it’s always weird to see your parents doing things that you and your friends do.  We get so wrapped up in seeing them as a “parent” that even once we’re adults it’s hard to see them as peers.  And that exact thought, only reversed, is in my opinion the reason that so many parents have a tough time dealing with the idea of their kids having sex; because your child will always seem like your child, even when they’re becoming an adult, and one of your peers.

Like your first land lord, or your first gray hair, having children who are old enough to be having sex has to be an aging milestone. And as a parent, it has to be weird to see your kid doing something that you consider an “adult activity.” And while many parents are concerned about STDs, pregnancy, and the heartbreak and reputation that can come along with having sexual relationships, some parents simply cannot deal with the idea of their son or daughter becoming sexually active.

As a result, many people have a “don’t ask/don’t tell” sex policy with their parents. And that’s too bad.  If I wasn’t able to go to my mom at times I was scared I was pregnant, or ask her to take me to the gyno to get birth control pills, entering the world of sex would have been a whole lot tougher.

Being able to talk to your parents (or even a parent) about sex makes everything much easier.  Getting a second opinion, helping you schedule appointments with a doctor, and having someone more experienced to talk to will do nothing but make sexual health issues easier to deal with.  I’m not saying you should sit down and give your parents a detailed steamy run down of your sex life, but telling them that you’re planning to—or are—having sex is probably a good bet.

If your parents haven’t brought up the issue of sex, chances are, it’s because they feel just as awkward and embarrassed talking about it as you do.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re unwilling to talk to you about it, only that they’ve been too wussy to bring it up.  Many people won’t tell their parents they’re having sex because they’re afraid of the reaction they might get.  Initially, yeah, your parents might freak out a bit at the idea—the whole “my kid is old enough to do that” thing.  But once they get over the initial shock factor, they’re likely to be a great resource.

  Hint: when you’re talking to your parents about sex, it may be helpful to start with something along the lines of: “I know that it must be tough for you to think about me being an adult, and doing adult things. But I want to be honest with you, and I want you to help me be safe. So I want to tell you…I’m getting laid (or maybe make that last part more tactful).

More often than not, going out with someone you don’t know results in good stories about nut cases as opposed to long-term relationships. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine showed me an e-mail from a guy she had been out with a few times and then stopped seeing. His response (through e-mail no less) was something along the lines of: “It’s clear you want nothing to do with me…but I think that we’d have mind-blowing sex…if you ever want my big who-ha you know how to find me.”

Needless to say, she never took him up on that offer. Even so, interesting last ditch effort on the guy’s part….

Dating can be a complete clown show. Who was the biggest whackjob you’ve ever dated (no names please)?

The only thing worse than being dumped is being the person who who has to do the dumping.  If you’re being broken up with, at least the situation is out of your control and all you have to do is deal with the news.  When you’re the one breaking up with someone, you have to deal with possible guilt or indecision, and you have to be the one who figures out when, where, and how to pull the trigger.

A question I hear all the time is: “What’s a nice way to break-up with someone?” Honestly, if you’re going to dump someone, forget the word nice.  Breakups aren’t nice, and the chance that yours is going to be all bunnies and lollipops is pretty slim.  That said, you can make a breakup fair…

When it’s over, end it.  Most people are breakup procrastinators.  They know the relationship needs to end, but they don’t want to deal with the emotions of a breakup, so they let the end drag out and that often leads to cheating.  Ironically, many people who cheat at the end of a relationship will say they cheated because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by breaking up with them…. sketchy.  If you know the relationship is over (i.e. you’re starting to/ thinking about cheating), break up with your current partner first.

Don’t make the other person do your dirty work.  I remember that my first few “you call me every night, so we’re dating” middle school boyfriends were big fans of this move: “I’ll just be a jerk, so she’ll dump me.”  It’s not fair to just stop calling someone, make excuses to not see someone, or just generally be rude or standoffish because you aren’t happy in your relationship. Don’t try to make yourself so hard to deal with that your partner has to dump you.  If you want to end a relationship, grow a pair and do it yourself.

Be honest-ish.  Anyone you’ve been dating deserves a certain amount of truth about why you’re breaking up them.  This is not to say that you can’t sugarcoat it a little bit (you don’t always have to be brutally honest), but don’t fall back on the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuses.  People who are being broken up with generally need closure, and part of that closure is knowing exactly what about them didn’t work for you.  Hearing “I’m too busy for a relationship right now” or “I just want to spend more time with my friends” doesn’t give much feedback.

Once you’ve ended it, be decisive.  If you want an ex to hate you, continue hooking up with them after you’ve ended the relationship.  Just because you want to break up with someone doesn’t mean that you won’t miss them from time to time.  When you do miss them, have the restraint to stick to your guns. It’s normal to feel lonely when you’re used to having a significant other, but don’t mistake that loneliness for the epiphany that maybe you should be together after all; remember that you broke up with them for a reason.  If after much thought and reconsideration you decide that you want to get back together, that’s one thing.  But if it’s 2 a.m. on Saturday, you just left a party, and you find yourself pining for your ex, break your phone, get a slice of pizza, and go to bed.

People enter into relationships knowing that they might end.  The possibility that things won’t work out is clear from the very beginning—people know what they’re signing up for.   Don’t feel guilty about having to break up with someone, feel guilty about going about it the wrong way.  Being fair and honest with your partner, and doing your best to give them whatever closure they need, is all anyone can ask for out of a breakup.

Going through my first big breakup was the hardest thing I’ve
ever done.  My boyfriend had become such a huge part of my life
that I felt incomplete without him in it….like I had lost my
identity.  As melodramatic as it sounds now, I thought I’d never be
happy again.

But, of course, I was.

Breakups suck.  And getting over one can be a process.  Do you have a
story about your worst break up?  Your best break up? Any tips
for moving on?

    Q: I am 20 and never experienced an orgasm.  What can I do to experience one?

A: Sadly, you’re not in the minority on this.  Many women don’t have an orgasm until some time in their 20s, so it’s not like you’re behind the curve here. The number one best thing that you can do to have an orgasm is masturbate.  You can’t just count on meeting a partner one day who’s going to be able to get you off—having an orgasm is something that you need to work on yourself.

In terms of how to masturbate, you need to touch yourself and figure out what is the most pleasurable for you.  Many girls find that gently rubbing their clitoris is the easiest way to have an orgasm.   (If you don’t know where your clitoris is, check out the “It’s Not a Monster, It’s a Vagina” video in the “Your Body” section.)  If you try masturbating with your hands and you’re still having trouble having an orgasm, you may want to buy a vibrator. Eventually, however, I do think it’s important that you figure out how to have an orgasm just by using your hands.

Q: Where do females pee from?

A: The vaginal area has two holes (not counting the anus).  The first hole is the vagina—where a woman’s period comes out, and where a penis goes during sex.  The other hole is the urethra (located above the vaginal hole).  It’s much smaller than the vagina, and this is the hole that girls pee from.  If you want to see a diagram of the vagina with these parts labeled, watch the “It’s Not a Monster, It’s a Vagina” video in the “My Body” section.

        Q: what is a normal penis size 4 a 21 old?

        A: By the time you’re 21, most likely your penis is fully grown. The average length of a penis is about 5 to 6 inches when erect (that’s measuring along the top, while pushing your guy parallel to the floor). Many girls will say, however, that girth matters more than length. The average girth of an erect penis is about 5 inches around (so if you wrapped a piece of string around your penis and then straightened it out, the string would be about 5 inches).
If you’re worried about the size of your penis, then I assume that what you’re really worried about is making sure that you can please a woman sexually. Most girls can only have an orgasm if their clitoris is directly stimulated—which you don’t need a penis for anyway. Gently rubbing a woman’s clitoris while having sex can help her have an orgasm no matter how big your penis is. To find out more about the layout of a vagina, check out the “It’s Not a Monster, It’s a Vagina” video in the “My Body” section.

    One of the first guys I dated was giving me a piggyback ride one day, and in an attempt to be suave, he blurted out…

    “Man, you’ve got some big thighs!”

    “What?” I said, clearly annoyed.

    “No, no, I think they’re sexy.”

As a good guy friend of mine once said, you never talk to a girl about her mustache or her weight. But sometimes guys (and girls) don’t think before they talk. What’s the worst/funniest backhanded compliment you’ve ever gotten/given?