Q: hey amber my girlfriend is having trouble achieving an orgasm and cumming when we fool around. I really feel that if i get her to achieve orgasm with regularity it will help our relationship. Any help would be nice thanks.

A: Well, even if it doesn’t improve your relationship, getting her to have an orgasm with definitely improve your sex life. Here are some things that the two of you should work on:

1. She needs to masturbate. If she can achieve an orgasm on her own, it’s more likely that she’ll be able to teach you.
2. She needs to give you lots of verbal feedback about what feels good, and what doesn’t.
3. If you’re not sure about where the clitoris is, find it. The majority of women need their clitoris stimulated in order to have an orgasm (you might want to click on the it’s not a monster, it’s a vagina video here).

The one caution I would give is not to become overly obsessed with giving her an orgasm to the point that it becomes the black cloud over all of your sexual encounters. If sex becomes stressful because all you’re thinking about is whether or not she is going to get off, then she definitely won’t get off, and sex is going to feel like a chore. Maybe you should set aside a time when all the two of you are doing is concentrating on what feels good for her…more of a “sexual experiment time,” rather than a regular sexual encounter. The two of you can talk throughout the whole time about what feels good, and what doesn’t. Also, check out the trouble reaching an orgasm video here.